


When I Say Jump

by exuberantoctopus (tardisbluequill)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Fuck Sazed (The Adventure Zone), Gaslighting, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Not Shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 23:18:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisbluequill/pseuds/exuberantoctopus
Summary: Taako meets Sazed. Taako hires Sazed. Taako dates Sazed. Sazed takes power.





	When I Say Jump

**Author's Note:**

> A short insight into the abusive relationship of Taako and Sazed. Taako is such a strong personality, it can be hard to imagine him getting trapped in a manipulative relationship, but I wanted to explore how it can happen. A little venting from personal experience, a lot of character study.
> 
> Please read this at your own discretion, and be safe out there. You deserve better than any Sazed's in your life.

The first few weeks after taking him in, Taako had no real opinion of Sazed. He was a grunt worker. A nameless employee. If he wasn’t emptying the chamberpots, tending the horses, or cleaning dishes, he was sleeping in his tent outside the caravan. Their contract was simple; Sazed was to do all the work Taako hated doing, he was to provide his own accommodations, and in return he’d get food and a small stipend every week. It was only enough money to keep Sazed in presentable clothes and good hygiene, and Taako couldn’t give a fuck what he did with the rest of it.

Things started to change simply. To state it simply, Sazed was charming. He was a bit odd, a lot awkward, and shy. He would stay mostly quiet unless spoken to. This drew Taako in. If he was anything, he was a talker, and he could feel a magnetic pull to any natural listener.

“So, Sazy. What’s up with you? I know you’re here because you want a chance to bask in my natural glow, natch, but there’s gotta be something special that got you to ask me for a job.” Taako leaned up against the caravan and watched Sazed work, brushing the horses.

Sazed was quiet for a moment, mulling the question over, and then responded. “If I’m honest, um, I think a lot of it is that, uh, I just really like food? Like, your food? And cooking? And just… I always liked cooking with my mom growing up, and this… reminds me of it.”

Taako felt his heart twitch at the familiar words. Though he couldn’t remember his own mother, the memories of his time in the kitchen with his aunt were some of the fondest. The warm, pastry-scented air surrounding a small Taako sitting on the counter, singing along out of tune to some folk song his auntie was singing. 

“Y’know, Saze, if you ever wanted to learn some cooking — not that you’re going to be at my level — I could… teach you how to cook eggs or some shit. Something simple. Enough to make me breakfast so I don’t have to wake up at the fucking crack of dawn every morning.”

Sazed visibly suppressed his laughter. “Oh absolutely. maybe we’ll get to- to have some breakfast before the godforsaken hour of noon for once.”

Taako grabbed his wizard hat and slapped Sazed’s arm with all the force he could muster. “Shut up, you pion. See how mouthy you are when I stop making you dinner!”

•••

The first time Sazed corrected Taako, he shrugged it off.

“Okay Sazy. Time to get to Hogsface. They’ve got a tavern there that desperately needs a menu overhaul and they’re gonna pay me to do it. Chop chop. Only got three hours to get there.” Taako chattered while packing up his knives and checking the locks on the caravan’s cupboards.

Sazed stuck his head in from outside. “Um, what are you talking about, Taako? We don’t need to be there until tomorrow.”

Taako scoffed. “You’re the one who told me, Sazed. I specifically remember you saying the fifth. Right after you made the booking. ‘Hogsface on the fifth, Taako!’ That’s what you said.”

Sazed’s face grew more concerned. “No, I said the _sixth_ , Taako.”

Taako huffed, starting to get genuinely annoyed. “Sazed, who’s the boss here? Just hook up the horses and let’s get our asses moving. I don’t want to have to explain to the owner how I’m late ‘cause my employee was too stupid to remember the date.”

They arrived in Hogsface a day early. Taako did not apologize. Sazed said nothing. Taako looked back at his agenda where he had the date and location marked down for every performance. It said the fifth. Well, either Sazed, the tavern owner, and the guests who’d come specially for him were wrong, or Taako had put down the wrong date. Simple mistake to make. Still, he was extra careful the next time Sazed confirmed a booking.

•••

Over the months, Taako started to warm to Sazed. He was easy to be with. He would listen, really listen. He’d remember little things about Taako that he’d say in passing, like his favourite mead brand or how old he was when he baked his first loaf of bread. He’d bring these facts back at the best times; order drinks for the both of them at a bar, give Taako the specific encouragement he was needing on a rough day, remind him of his best memories.

Taako had never been the best at holding his own end of any relationship, but Sazed didn’t seem to mind. Taako knew next to nothing about Sazed’s life, and he didn’t care to ask. As long as Sazed was content to listen to him at every hour of the day, he was content to talk.

The first time they kissed, Taako was drunk. They were at a bar and Taako was surrounded by five empty glasses that were once full of sparkly, bright coloured, heavily-boozed up drinks. Sazed was still working on his second mug of beer, sipping it slowly. 

“Sazed,” Taako said with a slur to his words. “You’re great, y’know that? I mean, you could be better… you, you gotta start really getting those nasty bits stuck on the cast-iron pans. I’ll be heating up a sauce, go to taste it, and like… BLEH! There’s a bit of egg in my tomato sauce! Where did that come from? Oh right! It’s,” he hiccuped. “It’s Sazed not scrubbing the edges again!” He trailed off. “What w’s I saying?”

Sazed smiled softly. “Well you started by telling me how great I was.”

Taako giggled. “Yeah, yeah that’s right. You’re… like, you wouldn’t catch the eye at first. You’ve got this…” he gestured to Sazed’s entire body. “Face that’s like… bland. It’s a nothing face, Sazed. But you’ve got this great body and like… damn you’re hot when you’re… when you’re working and just like, a bit sweaty. Not like gross. Not like… not stinky. But you look like you’re working, y’know?”

Sazed blushed bashfully and looked down into his drink. “T-th-thanks, Taako. You’re, you’re pretty great too. Beautiful.” He said this softly into his drink, but Taako heard.

“Um fuck yes I am! Glad you’ve noticed though. Hey, hey what do you say we… c’mere.”

Taako made grabby hands at Sazed’s face and Sazed tentatively leaned in. Taako grabbed his cheeks and paused for a moment, giving the man a chance to pull away, and then pressed their lips together in a sloppy kiss. It wasn’t the best kiss, but Taako was definitely into it (definitely helped by the alcohol). 

They were starting to get handsy when the bartender yelled at them to get a room or get out. Taako swore at the man and flipped him off, trying to get up and take him on. Instead, he stumbled out of the booth, almost falling to the floor. Sazed caught him and threw out an apology to the bartender before helping Taako hobble out of the bar and back to the caravan.

They got back and Taako collapsed onto the bed, dragging Sazed with him. He was snoring like a foghorn within seconds, and Sazed snorted. He drew the blankets up on the two of them, and slept for the first night in a soft bed inside the caravan.

•••

In bed, Taako tended to end up on top. He was no stranger to laying back and receiving, but he felt more comfortable in a position of control. Still, when Sazed made it clear that he “really just likes to be on top, please don’t make it a thing”, Taako was more than happy to oblige. Sazed was a complicated lover. He did all the things that pushed Taako’s buttons; nipping at his earlobe, fingering his ass, sucking bruises into his collarbone. In the heat of sex, though, Sazed would often push it just a smidge too far. It was never at a point where Taako felt like saying anything, of course. It was a little too hard of a bite or a little too fast of a pace or firm kisses when he was breathing hard. It wasn’t _un_ pleasant, though, and Taako decided to let it go and accept that Sazed was a little unintuitive and maybe a touch of a selfish lover.

The thing was, though, his pushing didn’t stay in the bedroom.

It was little tiny things. Things that Taako would feel ridiculous grinding up or complaining about to someone (if he had someone else to complain to). Sazed would bring back bread from the wrong baker, or ask for the last piece of fruit when Taako had been talking eating it as a snack earlier in the day. He would keep the lights on for an extra hour when Taako had retired to bed.

There were a few times when Taako tried to bring these issues up, but it always left him feeling guilty and dirty.

“Hey Sazed, I know I said that I would go grab that special pepper from down the street, but I’m honestly swamped with editing my cookbook. Could you grab it for me?”

Sazed let out a small sigh, and stayed still for a moment.

“I know,” Taako conceded. “It’s a hassle, but could you please help me out here? What did I hire you for, anyhow?”

Sazed let out a longer sigh. “Taako, if you just want me around for cheap labour, then please let me know. I suppose our relationship doesn’t mean that much to you, does it?”

“Sazed, that’s not what I-“

“No, Taako, it’s fine.” He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll go do your errands.”

Taako could feel a headache coming on. “I’m honestly sorry, Sazed. I didn’t think that I would get this busy with the book. I can go get the pepper later.”

“Stop being ridiculous, Taako.” said Sazed. “I’ll go do it. Maybe next time, just remember to put in a little more work before the deadline is staring you in the face.”

With that, he left the caravan, and left Taako wondering if the nights he’d spent on this labour of love were less than he should be giving.

•••

Taako was getting more forgetful and it was frustrating.

It wasn’t every day. It wasn’t every week. But it felt like far too often, he was messing things up. Misremembering little details or forgetting them completely. Sazed was patient with him, and never took the chance to gloat. It was getting annoying, though, the way that he started to say “I know you think you remember that”, or “You know how your memory is”, or “I think we both know I’m probably right on this one”. He never pushed it, and when Taako would snap back at him, he’d put up his hands in deference and shut up. 

•••

Taako was tense, all the time. He couldn’t remember the last day he’d been through without the tension headaches making themselves known. It was like being a little sick all the time. He wasn’t sleeping, he wasn’t eating properly, and he was spending more and more time worrying about how he was treating Sazed.

He was slipping, it was obvious. He was too tired and sore for sex, and it was easy to see how that affected Sazed. He never forced anything, but he was clear that he thought Taako was making excuses.

“I spend all day lifting shit and doing the grunt work around this place. You think I’m not sore? C’mon. It’ll relax you, I swear.”

Taako conceded more than he wanted to.

He though back a couple years to when their relationship had first bloomed. It felt so easy back then. Sazed wanted to give him everything, and Taako was primed to receive. He felt appreciated. Loved, even. Now it felt like he was a perpetual disappointment.

“Pretty small crowd today,” Sazed would say.

“Just a thought, you could be a bit faster plating the samples,” Sazed would note after a performance.

“They think they know you,” Sazed would scoff after the adoring fans begging for an autograph.

“Are you going to go out like that?” Sazed would say with a frown, and spend the next ten minutes tweaking bits of Taako’s outfit. Taako couldn’t see what was wrong, but there was obviously something off with his look.

“You know I love you, Taako,” Sazed said a lot. It was followed so often by a modifier.

“Isn’t that a bit much?” Sazed would say when Taako was serving himself breakfast, lunch, dinner, a snack. The way Sazed looked him over made Taako feel like he was definitely right. (“I just want to make sure you’re healthy” “You need to keep up your image” “Fans want to know that you care about how you look to them”)

•••

If you were to ask him, Taako couldn’t tell you when Sazed shifted from irritable to angry. It happened in small pieces day by day.

“Taako, can I just say something?” It was a phrase that set Taako on edge. He preemptively started to calm himself. This was Sazed trying his best not to start an argument. It didn’t have to be an argument.

“What is it, Saze?”

Sazed leaned over him and pointed a finger to the paper where Taako was balancing the income and expenses. “You could be doing this an easier way, you know.”

“Oh, probably,” Taako chuckled. “But I’ve been doing it my way for a long time and it works, so I’m happy with it.”

Sazed sighed. Sazed always sighed. “Taako, you’re wasting time doing it like this. You’re being redundant with all these columns here. You just need to do it once. Here, let me see.”

“Sazed, it’s fine.”

“Just let me show you.” He made a grab for the book.

“Sazed, just leave it, I’m almost done!” Taako pushed it away from him.

Sazed’s face was slowly turning a familiar shade of red. “Taako, stop being such a child! Just give it to me!”

“No!”

“Taako, give me the fucking book right now I swear to the gods!!” He slammed his hand down on the table and there was a faint crack, and the two men looked down to see a small split in one of the legs. “FUCK!” Sazed yelled. “You couldn’t just fucking listen and now we’re in an argument again, and now the fucking… now we need to buy a new table, and-“

Taako’s heart was racing, though he didn’t even know what he was afraid of. “Sazed, no, it’s fine. The table’s okay. I can fix it. Here, take the books. Do it your way. Please.”

Sazed grunted angrily. “Fuck, Taako, that’s not what I’m saying. I just- forget it. Do it your way. Waste your time. See if I care.”

Sazed stormed out the door of the caravan. Taako tried to take a breath and continue his work, but his hands were shaking. _Stop that. Stop that before Sazed notices._

•••

It was summer and Taako had a day off between shows. He and Sazed were going out for the first proper date in months, and Taako was excited. It had been so long since the two of them had had time alone without distractions and tensions.

Taako met Sazed just outside their camp dressed in a breezy yellow sundress, a big straw hat, black shades, and yellow rubber boots. Cute af in every element. He was smiling as he saw his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around Sazed’s middle, giving his cheek a kiss.

“Hey babe.” said Taako.

“Hey Taa-“ Sazed turned around and frowned. “Are you wearing that?”

Taako’s smile faltered. “Yes? I mean, I was planning to?”

“Taako, I get that you’re in this faze where you like… more feminine things,” he said the word ‘feminine’ like it was dirty. “But if you could just… You don’t need to show it off everywhere, you know? You can take a day off.”

Taako’s mind was in overdrive wrapping around Sazed’s words. “It’s not… I…”

“You know I love you, and you look beautiful in anything.”

“Thank-“

“But this just isn’t… it isn’t appropriate. You know what I’m saying? You understand?”

Taako struggled for words. “I’m… look, I just bought this dress and this is the first chance I’ve had to wear it. I’m going to wear it out, okay?”

Sazed cringed like Taako was causing him pain. “Why do you always have to make a thing out of it, Taako? Why do you have to be so frustrating like this? Can’t we have one day out without you making it a… a statement?”

“It’s not a statement, Sazed, it’s just a dress!” Taako was feeling lightheaded and foggy, and some small part inside him was crying, another yelling, another hitting itself for its idiocy.

“You weren’t like this when I met you, you know. You’re always on these fads and they drive me insane. You used to be just fine with pants, and plain good meals without having to get all fancy with the spices.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Taako was yelling now, but it felt like any power the volume had was being sucked into a void.

“Fuck, it’s nothing, Taako! I’m just trying to get you to see that the stress of this whole thing is tearing you apart! It’s making you someone you’re not! You need to start letting me handle more of the work load with the show. I’m worried for you. I’m telling you this because I love you. Because I care about you.” Sazed’s eyes looked so sincere. He was only trying to comfort Taako. To take care of the burdens that were making him stressed like this.

Taako could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He felt the fight go out of him and slumped into Sazed, who was waiting with open arms. He rubbed a soothing hand on Taako’s back and mumbled quietly into his hair.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry for getting upset with you, Taako. You frustrate me sometimes and make me say things that I don’t mean.”

Taako nodded against his chest.

“Let’s go back inside. You need some rest and I need to calm down. Am I right?”

Taako nodded again. He took off his hat and sunglasses and wiped the wetness from his eyes. He was tired. Maybe a day of rest would do him good.

•••

When Sazed asked him for a share of the spotlight, a share of the show, Taako just couldn’t. Some part of him refused to let this small piece of himself go. His image was perhaps the last thing left that was completely his own. It was worth the cost. He would deal with Sazed’s anger later. For now he had show to put on.


End file.
